My breakup and some thoughts on my soulmate

I just got broken up with two days ago and it has really made me realize how fast everything can change. I read this thing that said, "I think the hardest part of losing someone isn't having to say goodbye, but rather learning to live without them. Always trying to fill to void, the emptiness that's left inside your heart when they go". This quote really hit me because that really was the hardest part. While I am adjusting to the breakup and I am not feeling too in the blue about it it is really hard still. It's the things that I used to do that I can't do anymore. It was the goodnight texts, and the nights spent cuddling in bed. And it was all of the laughs we shared together and everything. And while I didn't go super deep into the relationship that me and him had, it is still hard seeing it all end. I am feeling quite normal about the breakup, I'm not really sad. But it's more so that I feel a little more empty. And I think that empty space could really manifest into something else. The energy that I used to put into him now I see it as a time to focus on other things I could put my energy into. 

Now to explain why this breakup isn't super sad and gloomy is because to do primarily focus my energy on another guy who I do feel that deep towards. And if I didn't have that other guy there then I think I would take the breakup way worse but I do have that other guy there who I've been loving for 4 and a half years straight. Me and him have a type of relationship that is hard to explain but he has always been my go-to for everything. And I love him to infinity. 

And now you are wondering, "well if you love that guy so much why do you date other people". And the answer is simply that I crave the human connection and contact that I can't get with the guy I really love. The guy that I really love is always at a distance from me and me and him are not a real thing. We are a thing but we are not in a real serious relationship even through we do both love each other. While I feel really deeply and serious towards him we are not considered "a relationship". I really do want a relationship with him but it just hasn't happened yet and I'm still waiting for it to happen. And maybe it won't happen I don't know. But what I do know is that he is really my sole mate and I could sense that just based on the first time I ever laid my eye's on him. No other guy has made me feel in the way that he makes me feel and the energy I feel with the guy I really love is something that you can't even compare to anyone else. And am I a sucker for him? Yes. And will I continue to love him, oh yeah. I'm not even the type of girl to attach myself to people like that but this guy is really the one. And I know I'm young but I swear I want to spend forever with him. I can't even describe everything on here because you really can't describe it but when me and him look at each other it's like there is these invisible strings that just universally connect us to one another. I honestly feel like I knew his soul in my past life or something and I just keep finding it again. I don't know but it's something that I can't get out of my head. 

But anyways it's kind of complicated but your girl is single now. And I hope to focus my energy on other things. And I don't think I will go into a relationship anytime soon because in the end it will never work unless it's with the guy I truly love. But yeah it's a little confusing but I'm doing okay and I'm hanging out with my friend who I haven't seen in a while today. So it's going to be a good day and I plan on keeping this blog pretty private because this is basically gonna be like a journal for me. But anyways bye!!